Before I Can Say I'm Sorry
by RipJawWolfFang
Summary: It's Mellos fault this happened to Matt. Matt very sick and its up to Mello to find him in time to save him. Better then it sounds, I suck at summaries. MattXMello


**Before I Can Say I'm Sorry**

**AN: Hey guys, this is just a break from my normal RenoXCloud and Axel x... well a lot of people, I give you my fav pairing ever: MATTMELLO from death note which i do not own (wish i did but i don't). **

**...BL, Yaoi, Bad language...**

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Matt's POV:

Damn that blond son of a bitch, kicking me out in the middle of a snowstorm like this! I have been walking aimlessly for the past half an hour in the middle of the winter in nothing but jeans and a thin long sleeve shirt. That bastard kicked me out for no other reason than he was angry, very angry, when he got home and I was their... his beloved punching bag, ready to be abused and thrown out to quell that fiery temper.

It's so cold I can't think straight any more, my whole body is shivering like you wouldn't believe and I am in the middle of nowhere, looking for a place to bunker down for the night. Easier said than done; me and Mello live so far from anywhere to avoid unnecessary attention from the Kira fanatics that are lurking in every corner of Japan now days.

The only place I can think of is the park, there's gotta be some place 'round there I can spend the night without freezing to death, right?

I slowly begin my trek through alleys and streets, trying my best to keep a low profile. If they ever caught me for some reason I would be happy to die for my Mel's but if they where to track me back to him... Not that they know who they're looking for but, you never know, those creepy followers can be very unpredictable.

With the park finally in sight I attempt to search for a place out of the wind.

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Mello's POV:

Where is he?! He should be back by now! I know I kicked him out but he should know I didn't mean it! I was just pissed starting another fight with my room-mate, best friend and lover. Actually it wasn't really what anyone would call a fight, it was more me blasting Matt with insults for a good hour and him just sitting there and taking it. Matt never fights back, though I can tell he is always hurt when it's all over and done with... I see it in those beautiful, emerald, puppy dog eyes.

Guilt is starting to sink in; I said a lot of shit I didn't mean tonight. I yelled and ranted and booted his ass out on the street, it wasn't even him that made me so mad. This is Nears' fault, that bastard put me in a terrible mood, then I came home and took it out on my Matty...

God, I didn't even let him get his coat.

I better go and get him before he freezes to death. Getting up I grab my jacket, Matt's car keys and a blanket, I really don't know why I'm bringing this blanket but I have a sickening feeling that when I find the red-headed gamer he is going to need this.

As I get into the car, I get a sickening feeling in my gut as I remember that I have no idea where that boy could have ran off to in this weather.

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Matt's POV:

It's fucking freezing!

The bloody wind won't stop whipping at my neck and face, my goggles doing little to stop the cold.

How long have I been out here now? My mind feels numb; every inch of me feels like its frozen solid by that pure white snow. That probably isn't far from the truth, it's getting so much harder to walk, to breath, to see...

To stay awake...

I slowly make my way to the edge where the park meets the footpath, then the road. I stumble and trip as my legs give way under me, and I crash heavily into the snow.

My cloths quickly become saturated and I start shivering uncontrollably, everything seems to be fading in and out of focus. I try to sit up, to get myself out of the cold, wet snow; I fail. My body won't listen to me anymore, darkness starts to seep into the corners of my vision.

Just before everything goes black, I make out what looks like car headlights and the sound of screeching tyres and a swearing blond.

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Mello's POV:

I slam on the breaks as soon as I see a mop of red hair in the snow. It was really him. It was my Matt, laying face down in the snow, not moving an inch at my approach which wasn't exactly quiet, car wheels screaming from the attempt to stop so quickly.

I jump out of the car, slam the door and begin cursing and growling at the red head, expecting him to jump up in a start and quit his silly games.

"MATT GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THE CAR!"

Nothing...

"MATT I'M SERIOUS! I'M NOT PLAYING THIS GAME WITH YOU SO GET UP!"

Nothing...

He does not respond at all. Panic suddenly hits me for a moment as I realize how bad the situation is, but I quickly force it down. 'If I panic he is dead.'

I rush over to the face down, soaking wet and very cold body lying in the snow before me. I carefully roll my lover over onto his back and pull his head onto my lap, briefly assessing his condition.

"Shit, Matty..."

His lips are a pale blue, his face is cold to the touch and white as paper. He has completely stopped shivering, and is clearly unconscious. I can't even see his chest rise and fall any more, but I can hear his raspy, shallow breathing. I run my fingers over the side of his neck, only feeling the faintest of throbs from the artery under my fingers.

I remove the goggles from over the gamers eyes and chuck them into the snow beside him; Quickly scooping his scrawny form into my arms and quickly carry my only true friends, cold and nearly lifeless body to the back of the car that promised a slight bit of warmth.

As I lay his pale form over the back seats I tenderly place a soft kiss on his cold forehead. "I'm so sorry, just hang on." I whispered into his ear as I pulled the blanket I knew he would need, up around his neck. I quickly got up closed the back door of the car and jumped into the front.

My mind was spinning, swirling around and around. This was completely my fault; there was no way around that fact. On top of that there was no way to take Matt to a hospital without getting us both killed by that fuck-wit Kira and his groupies!

Running my fingers through my hair as I crank the heater on full blast my finger roughly brushing against the hideous scar across the whole left side of my face. Matt is the only one who can look at me without any form of distaste in his eyes, as if I looked no different than I did when we were growing up. A tear slowly runs down my normal right cheek and spills down onto black leather as I take off toward our apartment. Praying the whole way that when I got there my one and only love will still be breathing, however faint it may be.

I'd do anything to save him right now. If he dies before I can try to warm him, or before I can hold him against me and coo into his cold ears, before I can tell him exactly what he means to me...

Before I can say I'm sorry...

I won't be able to live with myself. How could I?

I glance into the rear view mirror and see his unmoving form. God he is beautiful, even now he looks just like a pale snow angel, resting peacefully after a long day. I know better. I know it's my Matt in the back, fighting for his life because of something I did.

Another tear escapes my eyes as I park by the edge of the road, jumping out and hastily getting a hold of the frozen hackers' body.

I don't know how but he actually feels colder than before. His lips are bluer and his skin is even more pale then I would have thought possible on a living human... Or was he living? I couldn't tell while I was rushing him inside, holding him as close as I could to my chest, trying to give him back the precious body heat I took from him.

It was hard getting into our small apartment while carrying Matt. Juggling keys and turning door handles is something that usually requires the full use of your hands, but I managed.

The first steps into our apartment felt so empty, the spark the gamer always brought to this place was crashed by the silence and the image his cold form.

Laying my beloved friend down on the carpet, I quickly removed all his wet and frozen cloths and carelessly chucking them in a heap beside me.

I lean my head down to his now bear chest... Tears leaking from my eyes once more as I hear a slight rasp, and the near silent pulse of a failing heart.

"Matt..." I choke out to him through my tears "Matt? P-Please..."

I hadn't removed my head from his chest yet, and it was hard to pry myself away from the only sign my lover was still with me. As I slowly raise my head to look into his closed eyes I am filled with determination.

"MATT, I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" I yell at the non-responsive body sitting in front of me. "YOU'RE GOING TO FIGHT! AND YOU WILL WAKE UP!"

Big words, they boosted me up to a level where I could focus on what was in front of me, although I knew I couldn't keep him alive on will power alone.

My genius mind starts ticking over again as I force myself up and away from my near dead best friend and into the bedroom, gathering up a pile of blankets and rushing them back out to the red head.

I quickly strip myself down until I am completely naked and curl up next to my lover, pulling him close and pressing my chest to his. His body is so cold it sends shivers up my spine as i pull the blankets tightly around us.

I won't sleep tonight, fearing if I let myself close my eyes even for a second when I open them again the body now so close to mine will have lost all life.

"Mail... I love you"

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Matt's POV:

Everything is so dark, but it's not cold any more...

This must be death.

I can't remember how I got here and in all honesty I don't care. All I can think about is Mello. Will the blond chocoholic I love so much ever forgive me?

Funny thing is that I can't remember why I am sorry...

All I know is that he does not want me around anymore, enough reason for me to give up on this pointless fight for life. What would be the point if I couldn't wake up next to him every morning?

As I let myself fade into darkness I can feel something warm press against my chest, there's a soft muffled cry that I can't quite make out; but I definitely caught the last part 'Matt... Please'...

My name; what could they want from me now? Who is talking to me?

That voice, it sounds so sad...so helpless...

Then there is a thunderous roar as the warmth that had settled on my chest disappears. Whoever this guy is, he is angry... I know that voice... Mello?

Mello's here?

He is still mad?

No... Not a hint of spite in his voice but I still can't make out what he is staying. Oh god why is he hear? He should just let me die like the dog I am, he doesn't want me any more anyway... I remember him saying that through the fog clouds in my mind.

What is the point of living without him? I just can't do it!

The warm feeling suddenly returns, this time wrapping itself around my whole body. It's a sweet and gentle pressure against my chest that makes me melt into the touch. Mello's touch. I know it's him, I would know the feeling of his body against mine even if I was already dead.

His body shivers by my side, I don't know why but it's probably got something to do with holding a practically dead body so close to his.

He is so warm. All the haze and darkness seems to clear. Then I hear it, the words that change my opinion of leaving; 'Mail... I love you.'

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Mello's POV:

How long have we been laying like this now? I don't know; it feels like forever though.

The gamers body laying next to me is starting to warm up a little, his breathing is now far more steady to even if it is still only shaky and shallow, it is constant.

I have to fight the urge to softly rub his still too cold back, I know it will make him worse but it's so hard just laying hear with my lover in my arms cold and still.

I'm getting so tired but I refuse to let myself sleep! What if something happens and Matt needs me? I just can't let myself sleep! I won't take my eyes of his gorgeous body until he is up playing his video games and hiding my chocolate from me just to see what I would do...

I love him more than life...

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Matt's POV:

The first thing I notice as I awake is the something very warm against chest. Then the sun burning through my eyelids. Midday? It had to be for the sun to be so bright and in my face; freaking sun just can't leave well enough alone! Slowly things where starting to click into place as my mind begun to put itself back together again.

I open my eyes slowly, everything is blurry and out of focus, but my vision manages to fall on two very bright blue eyes set against blond hair and a dark rough scar. "M-Mels?" I rasp out, almost not believing he was there, looking at me with a look I have never seen on him before... He looks so broken...

"Shhh" He whispers "Your safe now, just rest..."

And that tone... That's not like him; it's so soft and gentile.

"Matty... I thought I lost you there."

That's when I remembered last night; the fight, getting kicked out, the cold, then there was a big black void after that. "I-I'm s-sorry... for... made y-you mad..." It hurts so much to speak but I needed to tell him how bad I felt about that fight, how shocking I feel looking into such sad blue eyes now.

He shakes his head and tears run down his face. I want to kiss them away but I can't move.

"Mail it wasn't your fault." He used my real name... That means he is serious... "Let's get you into bed"

Then it struck me, we were both naked and laying on the floor next to the radiator. I blink a few times and attempt to sit up, my body protests and I fall straight back into Mello's waiting arms. I wanted to apologise for that to but my line of thought is quickly cut off by the feeling of being lifted off the ground by strong arms.

"Mels?" I choke.

"Shhhh, You're okay..." He pulls me closer to him before laying me down onto our soft bed, quickly hopping in the other side and curling back up against my body.

My eyes become heavy, and soon I feel myself drifting off... but not before hearing soft and gentile words fall from my lovers' lips;

"I love you and I'm sorry"


End file.
